Letting Go

This letter is to Marla Cilley. Founder and CEO of FlyLady.net, a website to help people overcome clutter and help them manage their house. I found these words to be so very truthful. About a lot of things...


Dear Marla,

My teenage niece visited last winter. Having never lived in a cold climate, she was delighted when it snowed. She decorated and dated a jar, filled it with snow and put it in the freezer to take home. To no avail, I explained that the fluffy snow would harden to ice, melt before we got to the airport - that no matter what she does to preserve it, she can't bring snow home...

Now, cleaning the freezer, I find her jar with a clump of ice that used to be snow, and smile at my niece's folly - preserving snowflakes. A God Breeze from Flylady gently reveals my hypocrisy - all the snowflakes I try to preserve, in my sentimental clutter.

FlyLady asks "need, use, love" in decluttering. When I come across sentimental items from friendships, I wonder whatever happened...if she retired, if her son is still having problems, if she ever got married, divorced, finished her degree, if her cancer came back; is she still alive? I think, I should look her up, get in touch, one of these days...but I don't feel a compelling urge to do so, right now. I think I "need" to keep the sentimental item, because someday, I might call...

But, I never do, get in touch. I never have gotten in touch. I never will.

The wondering is a detached curiosity, nothing more. Something inside me understands that the beautiful snowfalls of early winter in a place far away can't be recreated in this season of my life. I see it so clearly, in my niece's frozen snowflakes, the difference between what "was" and what "is" - what I don't "need" to keep, what I must leave behind. I don't "need" a reminder on my wall, to remember to call a friend. People I went to school with, worked with, neighbors, met in various organizations... these people are no longer friends... as a chunk of ice in a jar is no longer snow.

Flying is knowing that most of what I experience is ephemeral, meant to be noticed and appreciated in the moment it happens. Enjoying the snowfall, letting it melt away, letting go of what was, loving what is.

Susan

Untitled

Busy times
Pushed here and there
My life is not my own

Change-
change for all of us
under my roof

which isn't really mine

Have I hit the bottom yet?
I hope to soon,
for, by reaching that point
I will finally be able to go
Up

Thanks

This post is purely my throwing myself a pity party.  Or maybe it's frustration.  I really can't tell the difference right now.

Are any of you out there in bloggerland an "ex"?

Do you have sole custody of your kids?

I've pretty much been a "single mom" for three years now. Even though I was still married I didn't have a marriage.  Know what I mean?  My then-hubby did whatever he liked.  NO regard for anyone's schedule except the one of his making, ERGO I was left holding the bag and taking care of kiddies 24/7.

I saw his family more than he did as a matter-of-fact.

Fast forward to 2012 with me in dating-land again.

I can't win.  I just can't win.  While I was out enjoying a homemade meal by a sweet guy I've only dated two times before, my kids apparently had world war three back at the house.  I came home to a cracked bathroom door because kid #2 locked herself in to get away from kid #1 and kid #1 thought it was her duty to get her sister out from behind the door.  I can only imagine how loud the banging and kicking must have been. And now I have a door to replace.

And you know what?  I'm not really even mad at my kids.  I'm mad at my EX!  By all rights I should have been at home tonight happily married and not having to worry if my new dates friends liked me. I would have been at home to defuse the sibling situation BEFORE a giant crack got punched and kicked into my bathroom door.  These sort of things happen all too often. And you know what really stings?  He'll never know.  He'll never even care.
I deal with "daddy fallout" ALL THE FREAKING TIME!  You know what children need?  They need a mom and dad who are on the same team.  My former mate only wanted to be a free agent, waiting on the highest bidder. I couldn't compete anymore.

So, thank you (fill in the blank).  Thank you so freaking much.  I hope you're happy. Hope you find what you're looking for, and don't worry about me and the kids.  We're having a great life without you-as you can plainly see.

It Sucked, and Then I Cried

Dating.  It is such a horrible game. I would like to personally thank my ex for the roller coaster ride I've been on lately.

I met a guy online in December.  We've chatted online and over the phone and texted too.  I really felt we were connecting.  We laughed together and even teased each other.  We finally met this week and went on TWO dates. Yes, that is correct.   I was so happy to be with him.  We had a great times together-all two of them.  Today he sent me an e-mail saying that there is someone else he feels closer to.  Okay.  Fine.  Whatever.

All I really want is someone to come home to who loves and appreciates me.  This is the time of life where I should be comfortable in my relationship.  Instead I'm on a roller coaster of ups and downs.  My heart has been so full of joy and excitement and then been let down and even irritated.

I have also been chatting with another guy.  He knows that he's not the only one I've been chatting with-he wanted to meet me too.  So I had 3 dates in one week.  Yes, three.  Good thing too because at least he wants to see me again.  Up up and away...

Aw Shoot

 This was one of my resolutions.

 I'm going  to try and go every month

 Check out my shot gun shot.  Those little shots sure do make a mess.

And as a bonus I have something to cross off my bucket list.

Christmas Joys

Lights.  

Christmas lights bring cheer to dreary winter nights.  

They remind us of the light we can be filled with by following our savior Jesus Christ.

The Light of Christ

Thankful

So, this month-as I do every November- I've been trying to focus on things I'm thankful for.  One exercise I've done is posting a status update on Facebook every day with something I'm grateful for.

This time in my life is a transitioning period.  I'm still trying to figure a lot of things out, and adjust to my new life situation.  Change is definitely a learning, stretching, growing experience if we let it be.
 
I am grateful for the scars.  They have molded and shaped me into who I am today.
I have learned I have more strength then I previously thought I did.  More often than not it comes from God.  There is power in prayer and asking for strength.

One thing I've learned too is if we take time to focus on our blessings before we go to bed at night, it helps our wheels to stop spinning.  You know what I mean.  When all you can think about is this negative downward spiral and one negative thought leads to another, and another.... you get my point.  By focusing on what we have, what talents or abilities we have, our friends, our family it turns the spiral upside down and we begin to ascend.  ASCEND.

We can therefore look up.  And if we are looking up-we can see and recognize things to be grateful for.  I wish for you all to look up.  You will find blessings.  You will.

Happy Thanksgiving