August 26, 2011

Still Kickin'- Kinda

Hello to my 16 readers.  How are you?  I'm sorry i've been out of blogland for a while. It's been a rough summer.  I had divorce mediation to attend. Having to decide who gets what and how to arrange my new life hasn't been easy.  My divorce was finalized mid August.  2 days before my 14th anniversary.  I made it 13 years 363 days-but the last time I remember us both being happy was probably 2007.

Part of me feels like a complete failure.  I tried everything in my power to keep it together,  i really did.  But ultimately it comes down to the fact that it takes two people wanting to work on a relationship to make it work.  For what ever reasons my ex decided to check out.  So be it.  I want you to know I'm not whining or bitching here-I do wish him well, and I hope he finds whatever it is he is looking for in life.  It's just that I miss how he used to be with me.

I have decided that I deserve a happy life too.  I am finding strength in motherhood.  I love my children so much.  They are my most precious accomplishment and my greatest achievement.  I wish that they didn't have to suffer any pain and frustration and hurt.

Do you ever feel like you have everything and nothing to say at the same time?  Sorry for my ramblings...

All I can tell you is it's been an awful August.  I know of 3 deaths,  my aunt got in a bicycling accident and broke her leg so bad she required an operation, a very good friends' 3 year old girl fell out of a 2 story window and required surgery, another good friend was hit by another car on the the freeway and crashed into the wall totaling her car and getting whiplash.  My divorce was finalized and a friends is just beginning.  Another friends newborn baby was diagnosed with heart problems.  It has been c ra zy.  Earthquakes on the East Coast and now a hurricane. I'm just bracing myself for the next thing.  When did the world get so topsy turvey?

Well, come what may, we need to carry on.  I wish you all well and may your news be good!

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