Thanks

This post is purely my throwing myself a pity party.  Or maybe it's frustration.  I really can't tell the difference right now.

Are any of you out there in bloggerland an "ex"?

Do you have sole custody of your kids?

I've pretty much been a "single mom" for three years now. Even though I was still married I didn't have a marriage.  Know what I mean?  My then-hubby did whatever he liked.  NO regard for anyone's schedule except the one of his making, ERGO I was left holding the bag and taking care of kiddies 24/7.

I saw his family more than he did as a matter-of-fact.

Fast forward to 2012 with me in dating-land again.

I can't win.  I just can't win.  While I was out enjoying a homemade meal by a sweet guy I've only dated two times before, my kids apparently had world war three back at the house.  I came home to a cracked bathroom door because kid #2 locked herself in to get away from kid #1 and kid #1 thought it was her duty to get her sister out from behind the door.  I can only imagine how loud the banging and kicking must have been. And now I have a door to replace.

And you know what?  I'm not really even mad at my kids.  I'm mad at my EX!  By all rights I should have been at home tonight happily married and not having to worry if my new dates friends liked me. I would have been at home to defuse the sibling situation BEFORE a giant crack got punched and kicked into my bathroom door.  These sort of things happen all too often. And you know what really stings?  He'll never know.  He'll never even care.
I deal with "daddy fallout" ALL THE FREAKING TIME!  You know what children need?  They need a mom and dad who are on the same team.  My former mate only wanted to be a free agent, waiting on the highest bidder. I couldn't compete anymore.

So, thank you (fill in the blank).  Thank you so freaking much.  I hope you're happy. Hope you find what you're looking for, and don't worry about me and the kids.  We're having a great life without you-as you can plainly see.

It Sucked, and Then I Cried

Dating.  It is such a horrible game. I would like to personally thank my ex for the roller coaster ride I've been on lately.

I met a guy online in December.  We've chatted online and over the phone and texted too.  I really felt we were connecting.  We laughed together and even teased each other.  We finally met this week and went on TWO dates. Yes, that is correct.   I was so happy to be with him.  We had a great times together-all two of them.  Today he sent me an e-mail saying that there is someone else he feels closer to.  Okay.  Fine.  Whatever.

All I really want is someone to come home to who loves and appreciates me.  This is the time of life where I should be comfortable in my relationship.  Instead I'm on a roller coaster of ups and downs.  My heart has been so full of joy and excitement and then been let down and even irritated.

I have also been chatting with another guy.  He knows that he's not the only one I've been chatting with-he wanted to meet me too.  So I had 3 dates in one week.  Yes, three.  Good thing too because at least he wants to see me again.  Up up and away...

Aw Shoot

 This was one of my resolutions.

 I'm going  to try and go every month

 Check out my shot gun shot.  Those little shots sure do make a mess.

And as a bonus I have something to cross off my bucket list.

Christmas Joys

Lights.  

Christmas lights bring cheer to dreary winter nights.  

They remind us of the light we can be filled with by following our savior Jesus Christ.

The Light of Christ

Thankful

So, this month-as I do every November- I've been trying to focus on things I'm thankful for.  One exercise I've done is posting a status update on Facebook every day with something I'm grateful for.

This time in my life is a transitioning period.  I'm still trying to figure a lot of things out, and adjust to my new life situation.  Change is definitely a learning, stretching, growing experience if we let it be.
 
I am grateful for the scars.  They have molded and shaped me into who I am today.
I have learned I have more strength then I previously thought I did.  More often than not it comes from God.  There is power in prayer and asking for strength.

One thing I've learned too is if we take time to focus on our blessings before we go to bed at night, it helps our wheels to stop spinning.  You know what I mean.  When all you can think about is this negative downward spiral and one negative thought leads to another, and another.... you get my point.  By focusing on what we have, what talents or abilities we have, our friends, our family it turns the spiral upside down and we begin to ascend.  ASCEND.

We can therefore look up.  And if we are looking up-we can see and recognize things to be grateful for.  I wish for you all to look up.  You will find blessings.  You will.

Happy Thanksgiving

Speed Dating

Hello beautiful blog readers,

I know it's been a while since I've posted a real blogpost.  Please forgive me.  Even though my divorce is final it's still been a rough past couple of months.  Which brings me to the topic of my post.  Speed Dating.

Has anybody tried this?  What was it like?

I had my first taste of speed dating last Friday when I went to a mid-singles Halloween dance.  They had a card for everyone and a number assigned to you.  Women on one side, men on the other and off you went for 45 seconds asking and answering questions.  If you liked the person then you circled his number on your card, and if they liked you, they circled your number.  Then when all was said and done you handed in your card (it had your e-mail address on it) and if you had circled their number AND they had circled yours they would set you up to meet again.

It is actually very interesting what you can learn about a person in 45 seconds.  I met some great people who shared a lot of the same interests as me (U2 fan is a MUST!), which was great.  And then there were some creepy ones too.  Like the guy who was recently released from the mental hospital and is on about 5 medications, or the guy who spends all of his time taking apart small appliances and examining their motors...seriously what gives?

Well, I'm sure I'm in for many more adventures in dating land.  Wish me luck!

Wing Man

DISCLAIMER: Any and ALL typing/ grammer errors are the result of using my iPad to write this post on account of I'm just too lazy to go fire up the computer right now! I claim full responsibility for my mistakes and ask you to please overlook them.

 wing·man /ˈwɪŋmən/ noun plural wing·men /-mən/ [count] : a pilot or airplane that flies behind and outside the leader of a group of airplanes in order to provide support or protection — often used figuratively ▪ She was my wingman [=she helped me] on the project.

 Tonight I was the wing man for a friend. We are both single -she lost her hubby to cancer- and you all know I'm divorced now. We decided to go to a dance. Do any of you know how long it's been since I've been dancing? Seriously, comment and make a guess-I'll let you know in my next post.

 Well I got all dressed up. Had my slacks, my asian/eastern inspired shirt (with sparkely studs!), my chandelier earrings and my hair was pumped up and curly. After I finished accessorizing with a cocktail ring my friend picked me up. I asked her how she felt about body glitter and she said we should go for it. A couple quick sprays later we were sparkly and ready to go.

 We went to dinner first and I tried so hard not to think about dancing. When we got to the dance it was kinda slow going.  We weren't the FIRST ones' there but the crowd was thin. I was nervous. My stomach was doing a dance of it's own-a thing something like nausea and then butterflies. Perfect justice would be having my ex feel all the emotions he's put me through or that have stemmed from this divorce. I prayed I wouldn't throw up on anyone.

 After about 20 minutes of canvasing the area and more people coming I got asked to dance. This in itself was HUGE for me. My friend is way cuter than me-at least I think so-so that was a good shot in the arm for my confidence. WoooHoo! I danced three songs with the guy and it was good. I kept trying to talk myself into asking someone to dance and then felt like such a chicken. I am one to take charge of situations and get things done, but when it comes to guys...I prefer someone who will at least meet me half way. I like a take-charge kind of guy. I felt like I was in high school again, building up the courage and then rationalizing that right when I ask them the song will change. Does it really matter? No. Yes?

 I thought I saw one of my clients from the place where I do corporate massage. It turned out not be him for which I was grateful. Although 1/2 way through a guy from that office came over and asked me to dance- what are the odds? I ran into 3 other people that I know, so that was fun.

 My friend and I had worked out a secret signal if we needed each other to swoop in and perform wing man duties. I walked by and noticed her and signed and she signed back. I signed again to double check but nothing, so I went away. A few minutes later the guy I know from work came over and we went outside on the patio for a bit. My friend was there, but I guess she didn't notice me, cause she was talking to the same guy out there. My guy was going on and on about his past relationships and I kept glancing at my friend to make sure she was okay-she just didn't see me for some reason. I feel bad cause on the drive home she said she was stuck wtith this guy for like an hour. I guess I need to work on my wing man skills. Don't worry, I'll hone them and swoop in and rescue her next time for SURE!

 So, gotta tell you the highlights of the dance:
 - The hair. Seriously saw 40 year old women rocking their high school hair styles. Can we say bad perms?
-The clothes. Mom Jeans. Burn them baby and get something flattering!
-muscle shirts-never has a shirt said so much about so little
-finally getting over my butterflies and asking some people to dance (unfortunately one of them had the same name as my ex-and I found out he didn't have the same standards as me-must be something about the name-note to self: avoid at all costs.)
-getting asked to dance by two complete strangers!!!!! WOOT- this old girl's still got SOMETHING!
 On the downside-I think I pulled an ovary. Goodnight :)